Thursday, June 13, 2013
Since Brittney's death, I have clung to every opportunity to talk about her, look at pictures, pour through memories.... This is all visual, and I am fine with visual. Now that the fog has cleared, I am starting to recognize my weak points when it comes to dealing with the death of my only daughter...my sweet angel. One thing I can say for sure is that SMELLS bring me to my knees. It took three years before I was ready to start going through the boxes of Brittney's things. God has blessed me with a wonderful family...my sister and niece who boxed everything up after Britt's death and stored everything in their garage until I was ready for it. My parents who took the trip across many states from Washington to Texas to pack it all home when I finally was ready. It has been a long and painstaking process going through all the boxes and sorting through treasures since they made that trip in October. This week, I unpacked a box of Brittney's bedroom items. When I pulled out a pillow sham that was on her bed the night she died, I immediately caught a distinct whiff of her. How that beautiful smell stayed for more than three years, I have no idea, but it took the wind right out of me. I know that the pain will never completely end, but this experience reminded me that I am one smell, memory, sound away from the first night that I realized I would never hold my baby again. Coping is a process...progress comes and goes.