Brittney could NEVER be described as "sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice"....she was always most comfortable on a soccer field or basketball court or anywhere else she could showboat and be the center of attention. She was by no means a "girly-girl" and never was the slightest bit interested in formality or ceremony. I feel lucky to have these two precious pictures of times that she gave in to the high school social norms, and actually attended a formal dance. No...it was not her style; and yes...she is clearly out of her element as is obvious from her less-than-thrilled expression in both pictures, but I love that she had the experience. She didn't get a chance to receive her high school diploma, she didn't walk down the aisle with the man that she loved, and she didn't feel the joy of looking into the eyes of her first-born baby, but she was always a risk-taker. I am thankful that during her short time here, she wasn't afraid to live life...even when she wasn't in her comfort zone.Monday, April 18, 2011
Not MY Girly-Girl
Brittney could NEVER be described as "sugar-and-spice-and-everything-nice"....she was always most comfortable on a soccer field or basketball court or anywhere else she could showboat and be the center of attention. She was by no means a "girly-girl" and never was the slightest bit interested in formality or ceremony. I feel lucky to have these two precious pictures of times that she gave in to the high school social norms, and actually attended a formal dance. No...it was not her style; and yes...she is clearly out of her element as is obvious from her less-than-thrilled expression in both pictures, but I love that she had the experience. She didn't get a chance to receive her high school diploma, she didn't walk down the aisle with the man that she loved, and she didn't feel the joy of looking into the eyes of her first-born baby, but she was always a risk-taker. I am thankful that during her short time here, she wasn't afraid to live life...even when she wasn't in her comfort zone.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I MISS MY DAUGHTER; I LOVE MY LIFE
If I dropped something precious and it broke into pieces, I wouldn't go for the scotch tape or a glue stick to repair it. Yet that is what I have done all my life by following a path of self-reliance and one-dimensional faith. It was when I finally faced broken-ness that I couldn't attempt to fix on my own, that I first had the incredible experience of God's workmanship. He came in with steady hands and super-glue and restored the the pieces to a beautiful whole. I lost my precious Brittney and found a true relationship with God at the same time. I have thrown out the scotch tape, and am now turning it ALL over to the Man with the super-glue. In my whole life, I have never felt such peace. I miss my daughter...but I love my life of faith.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Embracing the Journey
Life is a journey...everyone can expect ups and downs, triumphs and trials. For me, it was the utterly unexpected...the unimagineable that shocked me into really taking a hard look at my own journey. The year prior to Brittney's death, she and I had faced some extreme challenges in our lives, both together and individually. Miraculously, everything that had been broken was on the mend at the time of her passing...and that wasn't an accident, it was truly devine intervention.
Over the past 18 months, I have definitely suffered the kind of grief that only those who have lost a child can really wrap their heads around, but at the same time, I have been given so many gifts from God that it overwhelms me just to think about it. At critical moments, I have experienced the kind of peace and inner joy that I didn't even know existed. I have not felt a second of loneliness since Brittney's death. At first I thought that was because God allowed Brittney's spirit to stay right next to me, to help me with the pain. Now I realize that it was God Himself who has remained so close to me all this time. I was also able to relocate over 2500 miles, put my daughter to rest, re-strengthen my strained marriage with the love of my life (Brittney's dad), find a wonderful new place to live, get a job that I love, and find a church that I would be lost without....all this within the first six months after this devastating loss. I know without a doubt that was orchestrated by God, not me!
God has picked me up and guided me in the right direction. He has led me to people and places that are clearly integral pieces to finishing this beautiful puzzle. He reminds me on a daily basis that my journey is not over, and that as difficult as it may seem at times, I need to finish the race...and He will be right by my side when I do.
Over the past 18 months, I have definitely suffered the kind of grief that only those who have lost a child can really wrap their heads around, but at the same time, I have been given so many gifts from God that it overwhelms me just to think about it. At critical moments, I have experienced the kind of peace and inner joy that I didn't even know existed. I have not felt a second of loneliness since Brittney's death. At first I thought that was because God allowed Brittney's spirit to stay right next to me, to help me with the pain. Now I realize that it was God Himself who has remained so close to me all this time. I was also able to relocate over 2500 miles, put my daughter to rest, re-strengthen my strained marriage with the love of my life (Brittney's dad), find a wonderful new place to live, get a job that I love, and find a church that I would be lost without....all this within the first six months after this devastating loss. I know without a doubt that was orchestrated by God, not me!
God has picked me up and guided me in the right direction. He has led me to people and places that are clearly integral pieces to finishing this beautiful puzzle. He reminds me on a daily basis that my journey is not over, and that as difficult as it may seem at times, I need to finish the race...and He will be right by my side when I do.
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